Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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