so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
