I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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