Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
