Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
