My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize