Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
