tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
