Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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