she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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