My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
