i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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