i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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