We won't sleep together?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
