Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
