wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize