just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
