Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
