I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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