soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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