I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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