I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
