Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
