I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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