i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
