the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
