At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
