Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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