They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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