His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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