Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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