I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
