Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
