It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
