Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
