I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fill condoms, not promises.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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