question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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