So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
