____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
