I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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