I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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