only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
