just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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