then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
