it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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