Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
