Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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