I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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