I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
