Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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