he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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