if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
