high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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