just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
