you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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