I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
