There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
