Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
