He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
