Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
