Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
