ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
