omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
