I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
