Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
