There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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