Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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