guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So apparently I’m into choking now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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