Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
