if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
