I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
