Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
