If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
