she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
